When a woman finds out she has breast cancer, the time after that can be devastating. Most well-meaning people will come up with loads of clichés but you need to be different from them. Most people usually have no clues as to what to say and may say the wrong thing which may add to the emotional stress. Listed below are some points that can guide you in this direction:
Don’t say “But You Look Fine”: This is a well-meaning platitude but it does convey the wrong idea. The patients interpret it as a complete lack of understanding of what she is going through. There is no way on earth, you can even begin to comprehend what they are going around, but when you are around her, little sensitivity can work wonders.
Horror Stories are strictly Off-Limits: This point is a no-brainer, but it is astounding to see how many people around who still talk about deaths caused by cancer. This point is true in many cancer stories, not just breast cancer. Do refrain from talking about negative things and be ready to offer a willing ear if she wishes to share her feelings
Saying I know what you are going through: This is a very clichéd response to almost everything related to emotional matters. But unless you are personally a victim of breast cancer, refrain from using this particular catchphrase. This is because there are rarely you can understand a breast cancer patient is going through. Not to mention, it sounds very empty.
Everything will be Alright: Oh really! Unless you are her oncologist, you have no way of knowing whether everything is going to be alright or not. So, think before you make such futuristic statements. The last thing you want to do at this point of time is give her false hopes! Also, it makes her feel like she’s being dismissed and trodden upon.
War Metaphors: Refrain from using war-related catchwords such as ‘battle’ and ‘fight’ unless you know her well enough to know that she won’t be scared of it. Some women are capable of being practical and level-headed. Others may view cancer as a battle and may not be able to cope with the idea of “fighting” it.
We will beat it: Repeating positive platitudes in the moment of emotional crisis can leave a sense of failure and impending doom in the patients. Instead you can make her feel better by telling her that you will be there for her, no matter what.
Do not congratulate her for finishing chemotherapy: During the course of the treatment her spirits may have lifted because she is fighting the disease in her own way. But once the treatment is done, she may be having mixed feelings as the only thing for her to do after her treatment is waiting and hoping the cancer does not return.
These are a few of the conversation starters you would do well to avoid. Instead of just offering false sentiments and hopes, just tell your friend you will be there for her, no matter what. Being a realist may help her to overcome the emotional strain.
Tess Mathews is a health-admirer and a freelance writer for BreastCancerSociety.org. Her recent works include her articles on sharing breast cancer info and the ways support through breast cancer donation.
About Tess Mathews
This article is great and so well structured, I wonder if the Breast Cancer Society is giving this kind of help and advice to patients around the globe or is this something only local?
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